my eyes sting and i’m having a sneezing marathon, probably due to the haze. i’m letting it stop me from studying but weird as it seems more random thoughts flood my mind instead. i must have been too free. nevertheless, i didn’t stop those thoughts from entering and instead tried to make some sense out of them. things have been bothering me for months and just when i thought i should let go, i became hesitant again. i am unsure of what’s the right step to take but i’m even more afraid of the status quo. am i worsening it or letting it cool off, i feel like i’m waiting for a trigger to make a decision.
in the past, the thing i hate most are misunderstandings and i will grab every chance possible to clear it off. but now that i’ve seen some of my past futile efforts, it makes me wonder if it’s really worth clearing those misunderstandings. i gotta admit i’m watching opportunities slide by and i’m taking the safe side instead. makes me wonder what’s wrong with me.
ignorance is a bliss.
so my dad bought me beer, in celebration of me turning 18th? funny how my parents are encouraging me to drink but since my tolerance level is not that great i’ll control. i really will, i hope.
i am drained while typing this post, either from the beer, period, weather or a conversation i had earlier. it’s been roughly 2 years since i last had such a draining yet meaningful conversation. the feeling sure is nostalgic and i’ve been searching for this feeling for quite a while actually. tiring as it may seem, it gave me a feeling that i’m actually alive, not just surviving. after such a long search, i truly felt happy.
someone once told me ” focus on what you’re doing in life and the right people will stay in your life.” it’s honestly tiring trying to chase after others but here comes the real problem. i have no idea what i want to do with my life. oh sigh.
so i’ve been told i haven’t been blogging for ages and such realization probably explained my presence here. 1st week of hols is coming to an end, which means i’m inching closer towards myes. sadly, i’m still as unmotivated as ever and often find myself studying just because i need to. i have using fatigue and the insane weather as an excuse of not doing work but i know i need to get my engine going. people around me have been discussing plans on U-turning if myes were not well done and with the recent article about the increasing trend of JC people leaping to poly route halfway, i pondered once again my reason for being in NY. putting regrets aside, i know it isn’t my want to be in JC but once again, i wouldn’t know what poly to choose from, even if i were to make a decision now. so in a way or another, i still can’t decide whether i’ve regretted or not. all i know is, i wanna get my ass out of this hell asap, like really ASAP.
something small to keep everyone going.