It was only recently did I realise how little time I had spent with my dad. The weekly saturday lunch during sec school days became my mugging time in jc days and now spent lazing around. I had never realised how much I had unknowingly cherished the lamentations and conversations during lunches with my dad all these while, until I was given another chance to do so.
It was an impromptu decision and it was merely 2 cups of tea in the middle of a shopping mall. From pensive conversations to amusing ones, the only thing that changed throughout all these years were merely topics for conversations. The unchanged within the change felt amazingly comforting and the fact that this was coming from a loved one gifted me a plethora of nostalgia and gratitude.
The sprout of thankfulness is slowly growing on me and has changed my slant in several aspects I had never thought it will. While the ability to reignite the past is a miracle, the ability to embrace the unchanged within a change is the best one can ask for.
Gone were the days where I stayed up racking my head for answers.
Gone were the days where I woke up extra early to study for tests. Nope they never worked.
Gone were the days where I had qualms over exam results.
Gone were the days where ennui and disappointment overwhelmed me.
Gone were the days I struggled to stay awake during physics lectures.
Gone were the days where my room was a warzone.
Gone were the days when I spent more than 10 hours in school.
I have no idea how I managed to endure all these but gone were those days and I’m still in good shape. *victory punch*
But I just had a nightmare on this. Looks like my stress level is building up.
Originally posted on Thought Catalog:
When people talk about their dreams they talk about them as something they are going to start working towards “as soon as.”
As soon as I pay my dues in this entry level job I will able to work towards my dream career.
As soon as someone gives me a chance my music/writing will become popular.
As soon as I find a boss who understands me, I’ll be able to make my job what I want it to be.
As soon as my partner stops stressing me out I will be nicer to them.
The truth is that no one hands you your dreams on a silver platter. People will agree with this consciously but make excuses about it subconsciously. It’s easier to blame others or external circumstances when the truth is always internal. It’s not about who is going to let you live your dreams or…
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Someone I know recently instagrammed this quote ” Invest in people who invest in you”. It sounds like a poignant yet practical reminder, telling yourself to turn you back against people who chose to walk out of your life. It seems to me that it beholds a tinge of selfishness and pride for the supposed me should only devote to those who have already been devoted in my life.
But again, isn’t friendship all about initiative?
Whether it is a simple question of ” hey let’s go out, when are you free?” or the making up after a foolish argument, one of the two has to concede or at the very least take the initiative to speak up instead of mulling in silence.
If neither side is willing to invest in each other, will relationships even exist? And what happens if both ends decided to stand around probing if each other is worth the investment yet not even taking a step forward? It’s as if surrendering without a fight and it is truly a waste.
Someone once told me ” a friendship between a passive and active person soars”. While there often lies a grey area between the two and that the roles might switch as the friendship progresses, it is still better than contemplating over the worth of such devotion.
Anyone can speak of such realistic self reminder but our feelings often stand in the way. Whatever the relationship is, both letting go and moving forward are roads paved with holes and thorns. With both paths requiring courage and will, I thought the path to take ought to be the one that is less regretful.
Over the years after losing people and having some sticking around my life, I have come to realize that not everyone I lose is a loss. Similarly not everyone I choose to devote to is worth the devotion.
Some said I have no pride but at the very least, I stay true to my feelings.
There are countless ways to understand oneself; and while I saw changes in me through conversations with old friends, I found myself inching towards the type of person I envisioned to be through interaction with strangers.
Thinking back, I was glad for the courage I attained during impulsive moments while I was working in Daiso. If I had not stepped out of my comfort zone then, I would probably have missed the core purpose as to why people chose to work in the service line.
Working in the service line meant being on the losing end, where even the most eloquent speakers were forced to bow their heads and walk away. Numerous customers visited this store with all items worth $2 often arrived at the cashier counters with the “yayapapaya” face. Sickening.
With disgust, I learn tolerance ( at the expense of my blood pressure) and grew more appreciative towards others.
Occasionally Rarely when friendly customers came to my cashier, hallelujah. A sad society we live in, but well let’s face it- society isn’t a fairytale, nor is it a wish granting factory, it is the brutal reality in life.
I went for a typical job interview just yesterday and while it is of innate nature to feel uncomfortable revealing oneself to strangers, I found myself unexpectedly at ease throughout the 30mins. A leap of faith had changed a part of me unknowingly and so I guess this is probably it meant by the quote “change is constant”.