end of craze.

my craziness towards kpop has come to an end, finally? i was surprised at my own feelings and actions, for the thought of leaving the kpop world has never crossed my mind before. that probably shows how possessive i was in the past. friends, and even my dear mum is surprised at my decision. oh geez, my mum’s face was priceless when i told her ” i’m outta kpop” with my own lips. HAHAHA. and so the next question would be why. why, did i, such an obsessive girl who once thought that kpop idols were her life suddenly quit kpop? i would have to say that’s it’s a gradual thing in which bit by bit, i can finally see the big picture of what kpop is actually all about. first off, i’ll have to thank the hectic yet dull JC life i’m in currently.

there was a distinct change within me the moment i stepped into JC. i had less time on twitter, less time to check updates on the boys’ schedule ( SHINee in specific i would say) and definitely less time to spazz. thinking back on what i was doing during my post Olvl days, i was literally a stalker. OH GOSH.

and now for the second thing. just a  few months ago, i was added in to this whatsapp convo just for shawols. i had no idea why i was added in, not to even mention what the purpose of that group was for. it seemed to be a spazzing avenue with several emotional talks popping out from nowhere at times for some shawols in that group. it seems like most of them have already met up with each other several times yet i’ve yet to seen majority of them before, excluding two of whom i’ve once met up with due to blogshop issues. sitting back and watching their true colours surface gradually made me feel that i’m looking at the mirror sometimes, for some of their traits really do reflect mine as well. that spurred me to think ” oh gosh how possessive have i been over idols?!” ” was it even worthy for me to spend those time and money on  kpop? ”  ” so what if i’ve received tons of fanservice from idols?” “so what if i have idols’ merchandise?” all these ” so whats” basically flooded my mind whenever i read through their conversation, which eventually lead me to make a turn in my life.

my two anti-kpop friends, seng leong and sungho have been trying to drill some sense into me since.. i don’t know when. the fact that i can’t even remember when probably shows how much i refused to accept their advices. their previous and constant criticisms and unacceptance towards kpop was somehow impactful only after which  the first 2 stuff that happened to me. be it they are influential or that i was already influenced, thinking what they say to me had indeed encouraged me to move out of kpop. WOOTS~

gangnam style was the next thing that prompted me to leave, for not only is it overrated, it is annoying, at least in my personal opinion. to many especially to the primary school kids and probably the old, it may be the pinnacle of kpop or probably their reason to enter the kpop world. while many may be entranced by psy’s oppa gangnam style which was claimed to have shook the whole world, i wondered what was wrong with everybody. even though the world famous director/ producer jackie chan lauded psy during MAMA, i turned even more skeptical to why this song is so freaking famous.

xfactor was the final thing that made me took action in drawing a line with kpop. initially, i didn’t give a damn on xfactor and had absolutely no idea it was a singing competition. until on one random night which i was switching channels boringly, i chanced upon one of its episode and the next thing i knew, my eyes were glued to the screen for the next 2 hours. after  watching performances after performances and listening to judges commendation and criticisms, i was finally able to judge for myself what good music actually mean. i may still be an amateur in this, but i believe stepping out of the kpop world was a right choice made. i’m not saying the kpop is absolute rubbish, but instead we fans tend to think whatever song our idol sing is just awesome, great and perfect, which in real fact isn’t just the case. with the help of autotune and all the what nots, i am really becoming doubtful of what it means and what it takes to be a singer.

if i were still the obsessed fangirl, i would probably be moaning my life away on why the hell did i not go for shinee world concert 2 today. furthermore, i would probably want to throw my phone away seeing how my friends and previous t-list spazz about the concert. or come to think about it, i really would might have been at singapore indoor stadium now instead of typing this post.

i’ll end off this post with a quote from tuesdays with morrie, in which i’ve finally understood.

“If you hold back on the emotions–if you don’t allow yourself to go all the way through them–you can never get to being detached, you’re too busy being afraid. You’re afraid of the pain, you’re afraid of the grief. You’re afraid of the vulnerability that loving entails. But by throwing yourself into these emotions, by allowing yourself to dive in, all the way, over your heard even, you experience them fully and completely.”

and woohoo, my craze for kpop has finally ended. (:

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