the end

my life as a guzheng player in an ensemble has finally come to an end today. this journey didn’t come easy but these 10 years of being in an ensemble was definitely worthwhile.  i remembered wondering what the guzheng players were wearing on their fingers, and that probably sparked my first curiosity for this instrument. Joining HGP’s guzheng ensemble initiated by my mum and therefore my intention of starting guzheng was just to have fun. it was however, this fun that made me love guzheng ccas in primary school and i unkowningly became attached to this instrument. i remembered how excited i was when i first bought my guzheng, for that was my first big investment in music. however, it was only when i entered secondary school do i know the true meaning of “ensemble”. it was my first time playing in a group where there is melody, harmony and bass, unlike primary school where almost everyone plays the same thing throughout. i remembered how awed i was during my first 合奏 in sec 1, with one of the hardest song ever- 百花引。training was tough in secondary school where for the first time in my life i had to play guzheng while standing up (punishment for not playing well)。 both syfs in sec schools were emotional, for the prep talk by tsb itself created such a motivating impact, making us wanna perform really well. every guzheng session was scary but interesting and no matter how many times we played the same song over and over again, there was never once i was sick of it. tsb sang to us, gave us imagery to different parts of the song and with the emotions infiltrating into our minds and hearts, the music we produced was filled with so much life. coming to jc, workload was weighing down so much on us we can’t possibly devote the same amount of time on cca as we did in sec school. sadly, practice became more of a chore and searching for the right feelings became frustrating. nevertheless, nygz ensemble has braved through the tough times of intensive practices and the constant carrying of instruments ( swear my own gz got heavier the more i carry it). 

on stage today, fresh emotions and old memories came back to me during ku er ban. though i couldn’t feel the same way i felt 4 years back, i was truly happy playing ku er. despite starting off badly for 2nd song, it turned our rather okay towards the back and as we exited the stage, i left without regrets, feeling more relieved than ever. 

 i am relieved that i’m free from cca now but i gotta admit the sadness and reluctance when i realized today was probably the last time i performed on stage with a full ensemble. that probably explains my conlficting emotions. though it didn’t end on a really high note today, what filled me with happiness and nostalgia right now as i am writing this is the practices, performances and competitions i’ve went through as a team in my 4 years in xinmin. those were truly the best memories for those were the times i felt like i was truly playing music. funny how it’s concidental: started off my first syf in SCH and ending my last syf off at the same place. 



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