Wake up.

tumblr_mkwqtdtDS61re12ono1_540Ain’t gonna hide the fact that I had one shitty day today. It’s funny how some trivial choices people make greatly affect how others perceive them. And I became the latter. Witnessing how the concept of ‘self-centred’ surfaced irks me as much as it fascinates me. It’s fascinating because I was once indulged in such self-centeredness, yet I had no idea that such notion encompasses my entire world then. Funny how ignorance is intertwined with such selfishness. Today, I understood why the dislike for self-centered people. All these while I had been avoiding, keeping a fair distance from such people yet I had no idea why. It irks me apparently. Not only how their behaviour, their choices annoy me, it mirrored a part of me in the past which I want to deny so badly. It is embarrassing, it is shameful, and above all, it is scary. It is scary how I was selfish to an unimaginable extent, of course circumstances shaped this as well. The bottomline is I gave in to the devil back then. And then it became a habit to be so self-centered, it is almost addictive to stay in that cycle where people accommodates to you, where it seems that you have a power to control outcomes and people. But the realization that such power is merely a delusion was probably one of the hardest truth I had to accept. I guess we all have those moments where we gave in to the bad over the good but again such lines are often blurred, I still find myself hovering in between at times. It scares me.

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