I’m tired of waiting for people. As the exhaustion grows more prominent when it comes to people you love, the hesitation grows as well. I’m tired of waiting for replies, waiting for requests, waiting for answers, waiting for plans, waiting for decisions. It is bothering me because for the first time, I am feeling this tired. This fatigue turns into this bubble of self-doubt, anger, frustration and uncertainty which I can feel in every nerve that is bubbling its way up. It’s getting harder to bear and each time I wish to unveil my thoughts, where they are just at the tip of my tongue, I hold back. For various reasons I suppose, but the recurring thought that keeps coming back every single time is whether I have changed. I crave for sleep a lot more these days.
These uncertainties made me turned to poetry, well partly I suppose. I start my day with poetry and ends my day with it. I’m writing every day, yet they are all incomplete. I either can’t find the right line to end with, or a right stanza to start off with. That’s how jumbled my mind really is. But one thing I know is that I get real emotional when it comes to spoken poetry and Sarah Kay reaches out to me every single time. Phil Kaye’s ‘Repetition’ caught me off guard and got me sniffing halfway through the performance.