The big 2 hit me last month and I had one of the most unconventional gift ever. As normal as a scrapbook might sound, the messages written were full of puns, recollections, advices and warmth (not to even mention all the pro photoshop skills HAHA). That book shall be kept safely in my drawer (:
Story behind this photo: I got my Americano from Starbucks early morning. As sleepy as I was, I was pretty sure I told the barista my name was Grace. Guess she was equally tired as well and so the name right smacked on my cup was Kris. Plot twist? This was the name of someone from a certain agency who did not do a very good job. So dear sammy found the whole situation funny and took this photo of grumpy me.
Woah, a K-pop event indeed. The media were as rough as fans so it was utterly difficult for me to even capture a proper picture during Sistar’s opening at the store. But yup thanks to the fact that I wasn’t alone, or I wouldn’t have dared to kick my shoes off and stand on chairs to snap photos. Wasn’t helping that I was lugging a dslr with a Tamron zoom lens. But I learnt my lesson and grabbed a spot beside the stage during the post event performance. ;) And I managed to attain a free pair of skechers shoes as well. Worth the squeezing and shoving I guess.
Did I mention I had free dinner too? Gonna miss these media privileges
Big Bang World Tour
One lessons I learnt after turning 20 is that I’m getting a little too old for mosh pit. YES I’m dead serious. But it certainly didn’t hinder me having fun for this concert (the body ache came after the concert). It was 3rd time seeing them and yet I was still as starstruck as ever. Well, it was my first time getting so close up to them (3rd row from stage OMG) so one can’t really blame me. Throughout my years in the fandom and prior to the concert, Daesung never did catch my eye, until I saw him up close. And then I understood why fans fell so hard for this boy. Although his past did play a significant part for my reasons in liking him, part of it was attributed to the warm vibe he gives off. My concert withdrawals hit me especially hard while I was writing the review as everything was so vivid still. So if you want to read the BB concert review from a fangirl’s pov, you can view it here ^^ (love the title can I just say HAHAH)
Goodbye my desk ): Yes I have a LKY public service mag seated on the spoiled desktop staring at me everytime I look up. Cup noodles was from my Nissin cup noodle event. Chopsticks was buried under the pile of papers HAHA. Post it notes are little reminders of common housestyle errors placed by previous interns. May it continue passing on~ Pillow puffs was one of the items for our goodie bags back in SHINE Fest. That was an extra and apparently Sammy scribbled something on the box. Extra sugar pack was when I made tea, yes with my IKEA cup! Turned out I only needed 1 packet of sugar. Light actually shoots out from the minion’s eyes. I freaked out the first time Sammy gave it to me HAHAHA. Kindle and breakfast is my daily routine after I on my comp :> And yup our cups in the office are used to put stationeries!
I started my gap year with Youth.SG and I can’t explain how glad it is for my gap year to end off with this internship. So yes, after extending my contract for 3 times, I’m leaving this amazing place. Needless to say, I’ll miss editorial life. As tough as it may be coming up with ideas to pitch when Singapore is so not happening, I’ll miss sourcing the net and discussing thrashy topics which can possibly be churned into an article with the team. The time spent here opened my eyes to what it meant by a helpful team, a positive working environment (although we always get chased around :<) and of course what it is like being in the workforce.
We may all be smiling but the struggle in taking this picture was real. The sun wasn’t helping and the picture was never centered which resulted in us grumbling. HEH.
Close friends of mine have told me that I’ve changed having worked there, for both the better and worse HAHA. I was told that I have became more daring, direct and heartless. It is true though, for I can feel the changes myself and sometimes I surprise myself by saying and doing stuff I wouldn’t have had the courage to do so in the past. I guess this stems from me being a solo intern when I first started out.
On a side note, it was only yesterday did I realise that fatigue is a double-edged sword for me as a dancer. It once caused me to fall off pointe yet this exhaustion also helped me to achieve my first double pirouette en pointe. The turns were over by the time I figured out what was going on. But hey, it wasn’t as scary as I thought it would be. (:
So yes, I am highly aware of how long it has been since I last blogged. Sadly however, something always cropped up whenever I had the urge to blog, thus my feel for writing flew away just like that. Rather than an update post that goes on for ages with paras after paras, this is just a short one exclaiming that I’m still alive- pretty well actually. The proper update post(s) will probably come in tomorrow or few days later because I actually do have quite a few stuff to blog about HEH. In any case, tomorrow marks the last day of my internship which lasted for 11 months. I foresee myself missing the team, the working environment, my chances to go for fun events and opportunities for me to write both thrashy and opinion pieces. On the bright side, school is starting, which means more writing, so hopefully my momentum will keep me going till then. As for now, I’m heading to bed to recharge myself for my final interview tomorrow.
Originally posted on Thought Catalog:
You need to be alone when you are not at home with yourself. When spending a night by yourself makes you want to tremble and take cover from the storm that rages on inside your mind, you need to learn to find your own shelter. When you want someone else to come and hold you close just to distract you from yourself, you need to learn to hold your own hand. We can love one another but nobody can save us from ourselves and when we don’t understand that in the slightest, we need to be alone the most.
You need to be alone when you’re unhappy with yourself. When your flaws and shortcomings are things you hope someone will someday love away, rather than inadequacies that you resolve to work on within yourself. When you’re hoping that someone is going to come along and save you from…
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I admit. Things got way too intense for me to handle. I’m feeling pissed way too often, I’m feeling upset more usual than ever and it definitely doesn’t do good to my well-being. I need to learn how to forgive. And I will forgive people even if they are not sorry. As to how I am gonna do it or how long I can keep this up, I truly don’t know. It takes a great deal of courage and persistence, but I will try. Okay confession made, let me go back into my bubble of thoughts for now.
I hardly watch fancams but I just watched one because I was simply too curious of how Big Bang’s new songs sound like. There’s so much feels to loser I can’t wait to hear and see them live.
In fact, I am actually forgoing my korea trip for them. (because of the timing they are coming and the potentially exorbitant ticket price) It’s gonna be my third time seeing them but yes, I’m still reallyyyyyyyyy excited.
Meanwhile here’s the best quality version of Loser which they released and sang for the first time at their concert in Seoul. Whoop whoop
It finally came. My acceptance letter. I have been dealing with so much rejections in this past year, the feeling of receiving not one, but two acceptance letters feel so surreal. In fact, I was doing the most mundane part of my job – transcribing a recording, when the email came.
I kept checking the email and letter again and again, unable to believe that this is actually happening to me, simply because I was rejected by nyp physiotherapy (my final back up plan) the previous week. It felt so unreal, it felt too good to be true, but in reality I was indeed accepted.
People who have been watching me choose the route of a gap year knew how unwilling I was to take this path initially, and knew how much a struggle I was throughout these months.
I was at a crossroad, not knowing where to turn, but I moved on anyway. Walls and barriers had been set up, all ready to trip me and I tripped, countless of times. Time after time, I picked myself up, assuring and reassuring myself that all will be fine but in actual fact my hopes cracked a little each time. I was well, or at least I tried, but I bottled everything up and kept moving forward.
Certainly enough, I’m glad I chose a gap year over a paper chase and I have met tons of wonderful people thanks to my job. However, the weight on my chest was heavy, because 3 rejection letters felt nothing but bitter.
Receiving my final rejection letter from nyp was the final straw. I broke down, completely. My mind was in a whirlpool and for the first time, I didn’t know how to tell people that I wasn’t okay at all. For the first time, I felt so messed up.
I spent the following weekend sending appeals and applications to all sorts of origanisations while feeling so sick of the whole process. Escapism was definitely on my mind but things had to be done, or at least tried. And then I re-watched Misaeng, because the lonely and selfish me craved for some understanding from the world, even if it means through a drama, which was never a reality. Ironic but desperation was at its best.
Going back to work on Monday never felt so dreadful, but again I went, because I needed to. In the afternoon, the letter came. Finally.
Now re-read the start.